You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
