I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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