she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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