the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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