If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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