I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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