the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
