...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
