Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
