Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
