sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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