i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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