dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
