I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
