Don't make out with my wife yet
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
