Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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