what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
