her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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