He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
