ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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