And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
