I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
