Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
