The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
