Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
