Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
from now on my penis is your penis
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
