Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
