There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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