apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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