Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
