Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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