Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
