Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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