Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
