Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
