hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
