I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
