In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
