Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
