I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
