I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
