Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
