Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
