it hurts more in the daytime
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
