there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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