I showed him my bush... on skype.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
