You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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