I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
