They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
