I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
