just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
